A Legal Run on Mathis

Today, I thought it a good idea to leave the house at noon (the hottest part of the day) and head off to Aliso / Wood Canyons for a little trail run.  Why?  Because I wanted heat.  And I wanted grueling.  Also, Mathis Trail had re-opened.  That meant, no more ducking beneath yellow tape.  No more worrying about a ranger chasing you down.  The trail is again now legal!  I’m of course not saying that I ducked beneath tape to run Mathis.  I’m referring to all those other runners who don’t have to worry anymore.

Mathis has been closed for reconstruction ever since our big rains in December, where a usually dry creek bed had overflowed and took out the single track portion of the trail (among other things).  It took construction workers 8 long months to repair the damage.

Mathis Trail was the first trail at Aliso/Wood Canyons that I ever ran to the top.  I don’t like it much, but the trail’s nostalgic for me.  It’s also the first trail I ever took to the top period.  Jessica Deline and Tom Fangrow lead me up that wretched thing.  I didn’t run much of it then.  Back then I thought it was pretty much impossible for me to run such a trail (Ha!) It’s a tough, tough trail that climbs up to West Ridge, pretty close to Top of the World.  While the grade is steep, what’s worse, is that it’s totally exposed.  I didn’t find a bit shade running Mathis today.

The run down Wood Canyon on the way to this infamous trail was shady and humid.  I felt strong (of course I was running downhill).  But I could tell that my burn-out was officially over.

Running through Wood Canyon

Quick stop to pose in Sycamore Grove

One more silly pose just past Sycamore Grove on bridge crossing creek in Wood Canyon

About 3 miles in I hit Mathis Trail.  That’s when the lovely heat really poured down, as did the sweat from my hat.  A breeze came in as I ran up the incline (in it’s entirety – in a race I probably would have hiked some of this).  At one point, I spied two hikers up a ways and they became my target.  The garmin read 3.27 miles when I spotted the two.  I finally passed the hikers at 3.40 miles.  In all fairness they were standing off to the side trying to catch their breaths.  I tell you, it’s a tough climb!!  They were very complimentary of the fact that I was running, to which I assured them as I ran by that it took LOTS of practice to be able to do it.

Eventually, I needed to turn my cap around because the bill was blocking that beautiful breeze.  I only stopped for a second when I reached West Ridge (for a picture) and pushed on all the way the to Top of the World, passing hikers and dodging cyclists as well, as they flew down that hillside. 

I ran a quicker route back, West Ridge, including the offshoots.  Then I finished off this run gleefully running down Cholla as cyclists struggled up that thing in the heat.  Lots were riding.  Some were resting in the shade.  Others pushed their bikes up that incline.  Not many were smiling.

Stream crossing onto Mathis Trail

The new creek bed, fortified with boulders bulldozed in (by the way, there’s no more single track – it’s all road now)

Late summer colors of Southern California coastal hills

Reaching top of Mathis with still half full handheld

Top of the World on a Sunday afternoon

7.73 miles logged this afternoon

A Series of Events

After dreaming I was attacked by a tiger, a series of short events (I overslept) lead to not getting out the door for planned trail runs (yes runs).  Needless to say, my mood was somber.  You see, if I don’t get it in the early morning, it’s tough for me to fit in a run, especially a trail run (because they take longer).  Hubby starts work late morning, and I need to be home in time to watch our boys. 

Hubby assured me that he’d make time for me to run later.  And at an agreed upon time I left the home and hit the trails at about 3:15 PM.  The weather was quite warm, but oh so bearable.  I loved it.  I felt strong and joyful as I ran my short(ish) out-and-back up and down rolling hills to the Top of the World, where I overlooked the Pacific Ocean.  Although I missed out this morning, those series of events lead to a glorious run.  Series of events often do that! 

Hittin’ the dirt – I’m Ready!

Centipede crossing West Ridge

Follow me . . .

Top of the World (view of Pacific Ocean, barely)

Top of the World (view inland)

Running up Park Avenue Nature Trail toward West Ridge

Not a zombie!

Whoa!  I’d better slow down (Cholla Trail)

View of Wood Canyon while running down Cholla Trail

Sweet after-run treat (apples from my father’s tree)

6.37 miles run (10.25 km)

Elevation Profile:

Back in the Saddle (a day early :)

When our puppy Millie whined at 6AM for her ritual outside time, I hoped hubby would hear and let her out.  He slept through it.  So I gave him a gentle push (well, perhaps a gentle shove), “Please, let Millie out.”

Letting Millie out in the morning is always my job because I’m the one who is usually up.

“Don’t you want to get up and go for an early morning run,” he said.

“I need my beauty sleep.”  I smiled and got another twenty minutes of sleep.  Then I woke, dressed, poured a cup of coffee, got into the truck and hit the trails at Aliso / Wood Canyons around 7:30 AM.  The skies were wonderfully cloudy and misty.  It looked like I was in for a cool weather run.

I felt strong right away as I ran up Cholla.  My plan was to weave up and down (from the ridge to canyon, canyon to the ridge, ridge to canyon, etc), leaving Meadows, the longest climb for last.  A beautiful plan.  Basically every time I came to a trailhead I took it, whether it travelled up or down.

Up Cholla

Down Lynx

I flew through the shady, fern covered and poison oak ridden trails adjacent to the creek.  I traipsed over deer and bobcat tracks.  I ducked beneath spider webs.  Stopping for a second, I witnessed a bee struggling in one of these webs.  I ascended rocky inclines.  And I was glad when the sun came out.  That meant I finally got to turn the cap around and flip down the sunglasses. 

On Cave Rock Trail what I thought was a bird flew so close to my face, it startled me.  Then I noticed its wing flap was silent.  It flew out and back, out and back from my face when I finally realized this creature that seemed to be trying to get my attention was a giant yellow butterfly.  By the time I realized, I got just a few more seconds of enjoyment before it fluttered off.

Descent down Car Wreck Trail

The Car Wreck

I saved the most difficult climb to the ridge (Meadows!) for last, which would have been okay.  But I ran out of water about half way up.  Actually, I still had some coconut water in my pack.  But I did something stupid, really stupid – something that is against my rules.  I conserved fluids.  I wouldn’t allow myself that extra reserve until I reached the ridge.  This when I believe what Lisa Tamati quoted in her book Running Hot, “It’s better in your tummy than on your back.”  

Very quickly I began to overheat beneath that hot sun.  And though I didn’t bring my thermometer, I know I allowed my temperature to increase too much.  My temperature had to be more than 2 degrees higher than normal.  I hiked much of the remainder of Meadows Trail, stopping in the shade frequently to cool down.  As soon as I stepped out of the shade however, I felt nauseated, dizzy, out of breath. 

I never recovered from this heat exhaustion.  I even sat in the shade when I reached the ridge for about five minutes as I drank that coconut water.  When I phoned my husband to say that I’d be late, he said that he didn’t like the sound of my voice.  But I was smiling.  Really, I was.  Thing was, I still had a mile and a half before I could refill fluids.  What’s especially stupid about my mistake is that about a mile of that remaining run was through a neighborhood which was bound to have GARDEN HOSES!  I should have drank that coconut water on the Meadows ascent.  I probably wouldn’t have overheated.  And if needed I could have always “borrowed” someone’s hose in this 85F (29.4C) degree weather as I ran Top of the World. 

As it was, I practically stumbled into Alta Laguna Park.  Rushing up to the drinking fountain, I guzzled up and filled my pack with water.  A woman smoking a cigarette a few feet away sat with her husband as I began to pour water over my head and neck.  I splashed my face, drank up some more, then continued drenching myself.  If I could have, I would have sat in the fountain and completely submerged myself.  Somewhere in this water extravaganza, I heard the woman say, “Let’s go sit over there,” and they promptly moved away from me.  I think that I may have scared them.

Then a beautiful cool breeze began to blow.  And though the sun still aimed its rays DIRECTLY AT ME, I found great comfort in that breeze.  The breeze was so cool, I’m surprised that  I still couldn’t recover from the heat exhaustion.  Who am I kidding?  When I get heat exhaustion, recovery takes a minimum of several hours, at its worse a few days.  But I ran in 3 digit temperature in Texas!  Then I closely monitored my body temperature.  Today I was just so giddy to get out there and had such a wonderful time until the water ran out, I just kind of forgot simple lessons.  (Oops) Believe me!  Do not conserve your water too much, especially in situations like mine when there will eventually be water. 

Completely drenched with full hydration pack, ready to run the hot, dry rolling ridge 3.5 miles back to the truck

Those last few miles were extremely difficult on an exposed trail with absolutely no shade.  But I had plenty of water!  About two miles remaining, I spied a hiker on my side of the road holding his hand out as to say “halt.”  I knew he had seen a rattler.  I asked, “Which side?”  and he pointed across the road into the brush.  Well, I know a rattler can’t strike eight feet across the road, so I kept on running on the trail’s edge and that guy looked at me like I was crazy.  He laughed and said, “I gotta turn around somewhere, it might as well be now.”  Then he asked what time it was, and I clicked through my garmin looking for the time when he asked, “California time?”  to which I laughed and responded, “No.  Zombie time.” 

I promised myself an ice bath when I returned home.  As it was, I was freezing, wearing a sweat shirt by the time I got home.  LOL.  I suffered from a dull headache for much of the day, but other than that, ALL IS WELL.  It’s better than that – I’m finally back on the trails!

Zombie Runner

13.63 miles (21.94 km)

Elevation Profile: +2,810/-2,790 feet

Oh. The. HUMANITY.

To tell the truth, it isn’t that bad – not as bad as the Vietnam War or Cambodia, but at least as bad as those who use Brando’s (Actually, Conrad’s Heart of Darkness’s) words in jest.  It was pretty difficult for me mid week.  I was miserable without running, not to mention, depressed over Bulldog’s sell-out.  But now, I have to report that I have gained a great deal of perspective – so much so, that I may (may!) cut my week off from running one day short. 

I won’t replay my whole week.  But I will start with yesterday, which was a breakthrough.  I woke at 6A.M. and worked-out at the gym for two solid hours.  At home I bathed, then prompty took a NAP – A nap before everyone in the house even woke!!.  I then woke to a phone call that I missed around 11:30.  It was from my RUNNING friend, Sheila, wondering if we could run this week.  I went back to sleep to catch another call about noon for a play date.  

I raised myself from bed feeling refreshed, made lunch for the family.  But I still thought, “Oh my, I need to run.”  I felt awkward to get soooo much sleep.  That’s just not me.  Sure I get enough sleep, because I go to bed early.  But to nap and nap and nap.   Not me.

I stayed true to my word.  I took my two youngest to the park to meet friends, and we all scootered around the park (yes, I put on my pink helmet and joined in). 

Back home I lay back down upon my bed and relished the cool breeze blowing through the windows.  Just as I drifted back off to sleep our middle son approached to say, “Mom, you’re never going to get to sleep tonight.”  Wise boy.  But I didn’t care about sleep just then.  I cared about NOW, the moment.  And I felt that I still needed sleep.  I slept in that cool breeze comfortably, finally waking at 5:30 PM! (OMG!)

It wasn’t long after dinner before I tucked myself back into bed.  But not after talking to my mother about all this sleep.  She said, “Your body is healing.”  I can’t argue with that.  After reading an enlightening chapter of The Power of Now, I fell promptly asleep well before 11PM, to awaken at 6AM once again.

I felt much better this morning, not so deprived from not running.  I accomplished much over the past few days, despite my sleeping.  I applied for substitute teaching positions within the district that I’m currently employed.  Best off all, I got a little better at remaining in the NOW while NOT RUNNING.  I felt good, even though I haven’t run in almost a week.  THIS IS A MAJOR ACCOMPLISHMENT (that is to NOT feel anguish by not running.)

Off to the gym I drove this morning.  I swam 2,000 yards, showered, then sat in the sauna.  Feeling extremely relaxed, I nearly lay down for a nap in that wonderful dry heat.  Instead, I took off for home, made our boys breakfast then tucked back into bed for a “nap” until my friend phoned about 11 AM.  She laughed when I said that I was just awakening from a nap.

Somehow today, I felt freed.  Like the chains had been broken.  I know that it will take lots more practice to experience the present when I’m not running.  But I have to say that I made great steps toward getting things “back on track.”  I applied for employment.  I got together submission guidelines and prepared for a Friday literary submission.  I made phone calls that I needed to make.  I gathered paperwork and signed documents that needed attention.  I even lost 2.5 pounds

Miles logged today:  0

Another Nutty Post

Okay, now everybody has got to get in their nutty posts once in a while.  Mine was yesterday.  But behold, I believe today it’s coming on again.  It seems that I just can’t function my best without my runs.  When I woke at 6:00 I simply stayed in bed.  I had prior to this delusions of grandeur, that I, THAT IS ME, THE ONE WHO IS NOT RUNNING, would wake early and swim 2000 yards.  But then I just lay in bed and forced myself back to sleep.  When I woke at 7:00, I thought to myself, “stay in bed as long as you can.”  Why?  Oh, I don’t know – BECAUSE I WASN’T RUNNING.  

I could hear one of the boys up, on the computer or something as I lay there, for a couple more hours.  My husband lay there too and I thought, “he must be trying to beat me by staying in bed longer.”  So I studied his face, certain he was not sleeping.  But he was sleeping!  

Finally at 9:35 AM I couldn’t stand it any longer.  I got up with a major case of the blues and complete lack of motivation.  I did get to the gym yesterday morning and had a really good workout.  But today . . . I felt dumpy.  Grumpy too, but mostly dumpy.  First thing I did was weigh myself and write the number in big black numerals on the kitchen whiteboard.  When my lovely husband woke, he weighed himself too.  He wasn’t too keen when I wrote the number on the board.  “Do you have to right it so big?” he asked. 

I got some calls in that I needed to make.  I cleaned off my oldest sons’ dresser. I signed onto the internet.  I did dishes (by hand, because I felt like having CLEAN dishes for once!).  I signed on and off and on and off and on and off the internet.  I did laundry.  I frowned.  I got on the internet. I made potato salad.  I went grocery shopping.  I signed onto the internet.  And then, I went on a scooter ride to the park with my middle son.  The wind hit my face, and I smiled (not the fake smile I was putting on earlier in the day, a genuine smile).  We rode downhills and we rode uphills.  And when my boy said, “I hate uphills,” I grinned and said, “if you wanna go downhill, you gotta go uphill.”  He was right too, it was hard scooting myself with one foot up the hills.  I’m not too graceful switching feet (my oldest son simply jumps up above the scooter while in movement and switches feet on the landing). 

And then I got home and signed onto the internet. 

Time moves very slowly when I don’t run. 

Somewhere in the day, I decided to do every single one of my exercises/stretches.  I have this Excel Chart that lists out a multitude of exercises that I color in the box next to the particular exercise once completed.  I always do some of them.  Sometimes 50% of them.  Never have I done all of them in a single day.  Today, I colored in every single box.

These are the exercises (some of them I named myself because I don’t know what they’re called ):  abs, arm weights, clams, scissors, bridges, neuro-flossing, step lowers, straight column 10x, lean, lean & step, lean & run, side-to-side ball, plank, ball plank, ball bridges, wall walk, foam roll, figure 4 stretch, piriformis stretch, quad stretch, hamstring stretch, IT Band stretch, calve stretch, push ups.

Miles run today:  0

An Explanation

I run to escape (partly).  That’s not necessarily a bad thing.  I escape the past, and I escape the anticipation of the future when I run trails.  When I run trails I must stay in the present.  And the present is a good place.  It’s a FANTASTIC place.  If I don’t stay in the present, I could trip on a rock, fall off a cliff.  When I run trails, especially technical trails, the present is what  really exists.  The past and future only exist in the mind, and those places at times, cause me great anxiety. 

I read a book many, a MANY year ago,  called The Screwtape Letters, by C.S. Lewis.  And from what I recall, it was about the devil’s nephew trying to entice a WWII vet into the “dark side” (for you Star War fans and for lack of better words on my part).  In this book, the devil’s nephew would often call on his Uncle the Devil.  And what I remember most about their correspondence was this:  The Devil constantly reminded his nephew to get this WWII veteran into the past or into the future, because “the present is where God is,” and “we need to keep him away from God.”  {Not direct quotes just memory}

I believe it’s true that the present is what’s real, and that running keeps me in the present.  On the other hand, running aids me in not dealing with the things I must deal with.  Things like: pursuing my writing career, dealing with a disrespectful tween, or even painting the yard gates. 

SO!  What does this all have to do with anything, especially my blog?  Well, first of all, I was beginning to experience major burn-out.  I felt tired.  I couldn’t get up in the morning.  And then, AND THEN, Bulldog 50k sold out before I could register!!!  That sell-out set me back into a bit of depression.  The morning after finding out about the sell-out, I woke at my usual 5:00 AM to run and I said F**** it.  I was in quite a downer for missing this 50k’s registration.  Especially after I had finally decided to make a go for it. 

This “burn-out” (utter fatigue without any repetitive injury – yeah! no reptitive injury!) coupled with my depression over Bulldog and the feeling that I’m running now for escape instead of health, plus my running friend Jeremy’s recommendation that I take a week off from running, I have decided to indeed take that week off.  That’s why you haven’t seen a blog since last Thursday. 

Let me say this:  LIFE IS TOUGH.  Sometimes it’s tougher than other times.  Sometimes, especially when I run trails, I can’t feel even an inkling of the life’s toughness (AND THAT IS WONDERFUL).  When the sweat pours, I’m in the present and the past and future doesn’t exist.  I’d much prefer to run up a five mile incline than face the pains and hardships of life.  The book that I’m reading (surprise, surprise), The Power of Now, basically states (so far) that our pain exists in the past and in the future, but not in the present.  I acknowledge that.  But I use the present to not deal with the future.  I couldn’t care less about the past.  The past is gone.  But the future . . . that causes a great deal of anxiety in me.  If you don’t live in So. California or perhaps you live in a place with similar circumstances – you may know about the economical hardships we are experiencing.  We see friends lose their homes, we see friends with no where to turn.  Like I said earlier, for us and those in our fields, life is tough!

Don’t get me wrong.  I have and have had a great life.  I have a home, a wonderful husband, 3 lovely boys and a new puppy.  But a break from running to get rid of this burn-out and also to face the things that I’ve been neglecting is something I desperately need. 

So, what am I going to do instead of running?  Am I going to finally paint the fence?  No.  I am not.  But I am going to pencil it in my calendar.  And I am going to find publisher/agents to send submissions.  (I already found one that I will send out by early this week).  And I am going to go to the gym and cross training daily, and I am strengthening my core and I am getting on a healthy diet. 

Am I going to focus on the past?  No!  Am I going to regret missing Bulldog?  Not anymore!  Am I going to worry about the future!  No.  No. No!!!  Instead I am going to focus on The Now, and I am going to currently work on my career.  (Yes, I have a career that I stumbled upon because I happened to get a bachelor’s of art some years back and several teaching credentials, it’s not giving us a substantial living income – though I love, love, love my job – I love writing more, and I need to pursue that).

Jeremy’s suggestion to take a week off seemed out of the question at first. Actually, it seemed absurd.  I commented on Facebook, “A week!!!”.  When I suffered depression from missing Bulldog, I realized that my friend’s suggestion more than a good idea.  It was an essential idea!! 

Thanks my running friend. 

I am still working out.  And though a week isn’t that long, I must cut my thoughts off at  night when I dream of running.  And I may also cut the week short.  But that would be all right.  What’s more important I think is to get a break for the REST and to GAIN PERSPECTIVE . . . gain perspective on Now.

Cheers! 

And Happy Running.  Because if it ain’t happy, then it ain’t worth doing!

ps,  a tribute to another musician:  R.I.P. Mike Starr : (  (Here’s to hoping you find peace, peace, peace, in the NOW and forgive yourself for the mistakes of your friend, Love,  someone who “knew” you, someone that you never ever heard of.  I think you were probably a good guy.)

pss.  I LOVE TO RUN, and it kinda hurts to take this week off!