Modesty or Vanity? How do you Handle Nudity?

When I was a child, I wore long dresses with white buckle shoes on special occasions.  When I wore short dresses, above the knee, I wore knee socks.  Always.  Somehow, somewhere, I was taught modesty, or perhaps it was vanity.

When junior high hit (7th and 8th grade) I was mortified by the fact that physical education students were required to shower NUDE (as if showering clothed was an option).  The idea of striping down before 30 other girls, plus the P.E. teacher horrified me.  But I had to.  If I didn’t, it meant 15 points taken off my daily score.  And I was aiming for that 4.0 grade point average.  Nude I had to be.

Jumping forward, this 46-year-old woman never wears skirts or dresses more than a few inches above the knee.  I RARELY show cleavage.  When I first began running (in my late thirties) I wore running pants, or maybe capris – never tank tops or anything tight on top. 

When I finally moved to the trail I realized that pants were not going to suffice. I overheated too quickly in this type of clothing.   So, I switched to shorts.  My ideal short length has an 8” to 10” inseam.  Even in high school when I was slender, I wore Bermuda shorts.  Thing is, have you ever been shopping for female running shorts?  “They” only sell them with 2,3, or 4 inch inseams!  Of course, I can get longer inseams, but it’s those skin tight “cycling-type” shorts that will not do with this modest woman.  I’ve tried men’s shorts, but they have too much material for my comfort.

Let me digress even more just a tad.  If you belong to a gym, do the people in your locker room walk about stark naked?  They do at my gym.  But I don’t.  In fact, I shower in my swim suit, then quickly emerge from the shower scrambling for my towel to cover myself.  Yet, women of all ages and all sizes walk about freely without clothes in my locker room.  They blow dry their hair, apply their make-up NAKED.  I once dressed next to woman at her locker when she accidentally locked her locker with everything inside.  There she stood, nude, saying “Oh Sh**!”  Well, I didn’t know where to place my eyes as I offered to help.  I went to the manger and asked for someone to cut her lock, and they didn’t have anyone to help her just then.  SO, I RETURNED THIS NUDE (VERY SLENDER) WOMAN to tell her, she had to wait, she had to stand there completely naked for who knew how long before someone could cut the lock.

The horror! 

Would I wear short-shorts, mini-skirts or walk around the locker room stark naked if I was a slender long-legged woman?  That thought has crossed my mind.  Why?  Because I despise vanity.  Maybe I despise it because I suffer from it.  I’m not sure.  But even when I was slender, when my thighs were thin, I still wouldn’t walk around nude amongst peers.  Perhaps I am an old soul and that’s what I’m used to.  I’m wondering now – perhaps your country or state has different traditions.  Do men or women walk about nude in your locker rooms?  How does that make you feel?

Why bring this up on my running blog?  It’s the shorts issue.  I have some wonderfully comfortable 3 and 4” inseam running shorts that I ABSOLUTELY WILL NOT WEAR IN PUBLIC.  Why?  Well, for vanity sakes (or is it modesty)  – my thighs are wide and now with wearing 8” inseams, they are SO, SO WHITE.  I might as well run in my underwear. 

So, secretly on solo runs recently I’ve been wearing 4” inseams to test out the comfort level and also to get rid of that terrible tan line that begins about 8 inches down.   I’m about half way getting rid of that tan line. 

This morning, after waking way too late for an early  run, I put on my short-shorts and went for a run anyway.  I thought for sure that I wasn’t going to see anyone, so no need to worry over running practically naked. 

Wouldn’t you know, first thing, I saw my running friend Tom as he finished up his run?  I couldn’t pass him by like I didn’t know him.  That would never work.  We chatted a bit.  Then not a quarter mile later, I ran into the cashier at my grocery store and his son taking a hike in Aliso / Wood Canyons.  I felt naked.  I really did.  I could have run right past the grocer.  But I’m not like that, I HAD TO say Hi. 

Embarrassment -- all in an effort to get rid of these tan lines and start wearing these comfortable shorts that I own, despite wide thighs. 

Sigh.

Actually this is a funny story.  And I laugh when I think of it.  Am I vain, or am I modest?  I think both.  I really shouldn’t be vain.  I am 46, I have a wonderful husband, 3 lovely boys – no need to be a swimsuit model here.  And so, I will continue to occasionally run in these comfortable short-shorts.  But it is VERY unlikely that you will ever see a full frontal picture on this blog in those shorts.

Back from my digressed, digression, I didn’t hit the dirt until after 9AM.  It was hot, hot, hot.  Yet, it was LOVELY.  I still felt strong.  After running past my two friends/acquaintances, and tugging at these short-shorts, I took a detour onto Wood Creek Trail.  I took a few detours actually, lackadaisically, stopping often to take pictures.  Once I hit Wood Canyon for good, I put the camera away and focused on running up Meadows Trail without overheating

On Wood Creek Trail / Wood Canyon in background

Magical Tree on Wood Creek Trail (Perhaps Coyote Run Trail)

First time seen (by me) red berries on Meadows Trail

About half way up Meadows (running all the way) I heard some lovely natural music – a sound of wind blowing through the grass.  And I turned and stopped briefly to take in this summer beauty.  There before me stood a field of brownish grass lazily blowing in the wind, sending out the sweetest sound. 

I reached the top of Meadows after running the trail in its entirety.  I felt fatigued, but NOT overheated.   I practiced at the mid-foot strike, and on the uphills keeping my cadence quick.    

The musical field

After my fun, I continued my new tradition of recovery calories.  Instead of driving to the closest fast food restaurant (Burger King) for a chicken sandwich, I went for coconut water and the lovely apples (Hollywood Apples) from my father’s tree.

After run snack (I guzzled the water and ate 2 of the tiny apples)

Elevation on this hot summer day:

ps.  After such a wonderful run, back spasms began this evening.  NOT GOOD.  I did what I could, neuro-flossing, ibuprofen, foam rolling etc.  Here’s to hoping for the best.   I thought I had conquered back spasms long ago.     If you have experienced back spasms, you may know that they can THROW you to the floor.  LITERALLY.  I have worked hard this evening at avoid that.  I had my youngest son walk on my back.  Then my middle son (100 lb+) walked on my back and that did wonders.  Still those spasms scare me.  They really do.  Have you ever experienced  them? Hopefully not.

A Legal Run on Mathis

Today, I thought it a good idea to leave the house at noon (the hottest part of the day) and head off to Aliso / Wood Canyons for a little trail run.  Why?  Because I wanted heat.  And I wanted grueling.  Also, Mathis Trail had re-opened.  That meant, no more ducking beneath yellow tape.  No more worrying about a ranger chasing you down.  The trail is again now legal!  I’m of course not saying that I ducked beneath tape to run Mathis.  I’m referring to all those other runners who don’t have to worry anymore.

Mathis has been closed for reconstruction ever since our big rains in December, where a usually dry creek bed had overflowed and took out the single track portion of the trail (among other things).  It took construction workers 8 long months to repair the damage.

Mathis Trail was the first trail at Aliso/Wood Canyons that I ever ran to the top.  I don’t like it much, but the trail’s nostalgic for me.  It’s also the first trail I ever took to the top period.  Jessica Deline and Tom Fangrow lead me up that wretched thing.  I didn’t run much of it then.  Back then I thought it was pretty much impossible for me to run such a trail (Ha!) It’s a tough, tough trail that climbs up to West Ridge, pretty close to Top of the World.  While the grade is steep, what’s worse, is that it’s totally exposed.  I didn’t find a bit shade running Mathis today.

The run down Wood Canyon on the way to this infamous trail was shady and humid.  I felt strong (of course I was running downhill).  But I could tell that my burn-out was officially over.

Running through Wood Canyon

Quick stop to pose in Sycamore Grove

One more silly pose just past Sycamore Grove on bridge crossing creek in Wood Canyon

About 3 miles in I hit Mathis Trail.  That’s when the lovely heat really poured down, as did the sweat from my hat.  A breeze came in as I ran up the incline (in it’s entirety – in a race I probably would have hiked some of this).  At one point, I spied two hikers up a ways and they became my target.  The garmin read 3.27 miles when I spotted the two.  I finally passed the hikers at 3.40 miles.  In all fairness they were standing off to the side trying to catch their breaths.  I tell you, it’s a tough climb!!  They were very complimentary of the fact that I was running, to which I assured them as I ran by that it took LOTS of practice to be able to do it.

Eventually, I needed to turn my cap around because the bill was blocking that beautiful breeze.  I only stopped for a second when I reached West Ridge (for a picture) and pushed on all the way the to Top of the World, passing hikers and dodging cyclists as well, as they flew down that hillside. 

I ran a quicker route back, West Ridge, including the offshoots.  Then I finished off this run gleefully running down Cholla as cyclists struggled up that thing in the heat.  Lots were riding.  Some were resting in the shade.  Others pushed their bikes up that incline.  Not many were smiling.

Stream crossing onto Mathis Trail

The new creek bed, fortified with boulders bulldozed in (by the way, there’s no more single track – it’s all road now)

Late summer colors of Southern California coastal hills

Reaching top of Mathis with still half full handheld

Top of the World on a Sunday afternoon

7.73 miles logged this afternoon

A Series of Events

After dreaming I was attacked by a tiger, a series of short events (I overslept) lead to not getting out the door for planned trail runs (yes runs).  Needless to say, my mood was somber.  You see, if I don’t get it in the early morning, it’s tough for me to fit in a run, especially a trail run (because they take longer).  Hubby starts work late morning, and I need to be home in time to watch our boys. 

Hubby assured me that he’d make time for me to run later.  And at an agreed upon time I left the home and hit the trails at about 3:15 PM.  The weather was quite warm, but oh so bearable.  I loved it.  I felt strong and joyful as I ran my short(ish) out-and-back up and down rolling hills to the Top of the World, where I overlooked the Pacific Ocean.  Although I missed out this morning, those series of events lead to a glorious run.  Series of events often do that! 

Hittin’ the dirt – I’m Ready!

Centipede crossing West Ridge

Follow me . . .

Top of the World (view of Pacific Ocean, barely)

Top of the World (view inland)

Running up Park Avenue Nature Trail toward West Ridge

Not a zombie!

Whoa!  I’d better slow down (Cholla Trail)

View of Wood Canyon while running down Cholla Trail

Sweet after-run treat (apples from my father’s tree)

6.37 miles run (10.25 km)

Elevation Profile:

Back in the Saddle (a day early :)

When our puppy Millie whined at 6AM for her ritual outside time, I hoped hubby would hear and let her out.  He slept through it.  So I gave him a gentle push (well, perhaps a gentle shove), “Please, let Millie out.”

Letting Millie out in the morning is always my job because I’m the one who is usually up.

“Don’t you want to get up and go for an early morning run,” he said.

“I need my beauty sleep.”  I smiled and got another twenty minutes of sleep.  Then I woke, dressed, poured a cup of coffee, got into the truck and hit the trails at Aliso / Wood Canyons around 7:30 AM.  The skies were wonderfully cloudy and misty.  It looked like I was in for a cool weather run.

I felt strong right away as I ran up Cholla.  My plan was to weave up and down (from the ridge to canyon, canyon to the ridge, ridge to canyon, etc), leaving Meadows, the longest climb for last.  A beautiful plan.  Basically every time I came to a trailhead I took it, whether it travelled up or down.

Up Cholla

Down Lynx

I flew through the shady, fern covered and poison oak ridden trails adjacent to the creek.  I traipsed over deer and bobcat tracks.  I ducked beneath spider webs.  Stopping for a second, I witnessed a bee struggling in one of these webs.  I ascended rocky inclines.  And I was glad when the sun came out.  That meant I finally got to turn the cap around and flip down the sunglasses. 

On Cave Rock Trail what I thought was a bird flew so close to my face, it startled me.  Then I noticed its wing flap was silent.  It flew out and back, out and back from my face when I finally realized this creature that seemed to be trying to get my attention was a giant yellow butterfly.  By the time I realized, I got just a few more seconds of enjoyment before it fluttered off.

Descent down Car Wreck Trail

The Car Wreck

I saved the most difficult climb to the ridge (Meadows!) for last, which would have been okay.  But I ran out of water about half way up.  Actually, I still had some coconut water in my pack.  But I did something stupid, really stupid – something that is against my rules.  I conserved fluids.  I wouldn’t allow myself that extra reserve until I reached the ridge.  This when I believe what Lisa Tamati quoted in her book Running Hot, “It’s better in your tummy than on your back.”  

Very quickly I began to overheat beneath that hot sun.  And though I didn’t bring my thermometer, I know I allowed my temperature to increase too much.  My temperature had to be more than 2 degrees higher than normal.  I hiked much of the remainder of Meadows Trail, stopping in the shade frequently to cool down.  As soon as I stepped out of the shade however, I felt nauseated, dizzy, out of breath. 

I never recovered from this heat exhaustion.  I even sat in the shade when I reached the ridge for about five minutes as I drank that coconut water.  When I phoned my husband to say that I’d be late, he said that he didn’t like the sound of my voice.  But I was smiling.  Really, I was.  Thing was, I still had a mile and a half before I could refill fluids.  What’s especially stupid about my mistake is that about a mile of that remaining run was through a neighborhood which was bound to have GARDEN HOSES!  I should have drank that coconut water on the Meadows ascent.  I probably wouldn’t have overheated.  And if needed I could have always “borrowed” someone’s hose in this 85F (29.4C) degree weather as I ran Top of the World. 

As it was, I practically stumbled into Alta Laguna Park.  Rushing up to the drinking fountain, I guzzled up and filled my pack with water.  A woman smoking a cigarette a few feet away sat with her husband as I began to pour water over my head and neck.  I splashed my face, drank up some more, then continued drenching myself.  If I could have, I would have sat in the fountain and completely submerged myself.  Somewhere in this water extravaganza, I heard the woman say, “Let’s go sit over there,” and they promptly moved away from me.  I think that I may have scared them.

Then a beautiful cool breeze began to blow.  And though the sun still aimed its rays DIRECTLY AT ME, I found great comfort in that breeze.  The breeze was so cool, I’m surprised that  I still couldn’t recover from the heat exhaustion.  Who am I kidding?  When I get heat exhaustion, recovery takes a minimum of several hours, at its worse a few days.  But I ran in 3 digit temperature in Texas!  Then I closely monitored my body temperature.  Today I was just so giddy to get out there and had such a wonderful time until the water ran out, I just kind of forgot simple lessons.  (Oops) Believe me!  Do not conserve your water too much, especially in situations like mine when there will eventually be water. 

Completely drenched with full hydration pack, ready to run the hot, dry rolling ridge 3.5 miles back to the truck

Those last few miles were extremely difficult on an exposed trail with absolutely no shade.  But I had plenty of water!  About two miles remaining, I spied a hiker on my side of the road holding his hand out as to say “halt.”  I knew he had seen a rattler.  I asked, “Which side?”  and he pointed across the road into the brush.  Well, I know a rattler can’t strike eight feet across the road, so I kept on running on the trail’s edge and that guy looked at me like I was crazy.  He laughed and said, “I gotta turn around somewhere, it might as well be now.”  Then he asked what time it was, and I clicked through my garmin looking for the time when he asked, “California time?”  to which I laughed and responded, “No.  Zombie time.” 

I promised myself an ice bath when I returned home.  As it was, I was freezing, wearing a sweat shirt by the time I got home.  LOL.  I suffered from a dull headache for much of the day, but other than that, ALL IS WELL.  It’s better than that – I’m finally back on the trails!

Zombie Runner

13.63 miles (21.94 km)

Elevation Profile: +2,810/-2,790 feet

Oh. The. HUMANITY.

To tell the truth, it isn’t that bad – not as bad as the Vietnam War or Cambodia, but at least as bad as those who use Brando’s (Actually, Conrad’s Heart of Darkness’s) words in jest.  It was pretty difficult for me mid week.  I was miserable without running, not to mention, depressed over Bulldog’s sell-out.  But now, I have to report that I have gained a great deal of perspective – so much so, that I may (may!) cut my week off from running one day short. 

I won’t replay my whole week.  But I will start with yesterday, which was a breakthrough.  I woke at 6A.M. and worked-out at the gym for two solid hours.  At home I bathed, then prompty took a NAP – A nap before everyone in the house even woke!!.  I then woke to a phone call that I missed around 11:30.  It was from my RUNNING friend, Sheila, wondering if we could run this week.  I went back to sleep to catch another call about noon for a play date.  

I raised myself from bed feeling refreshed, made lunch for the family.  But I still thought, “Oh my, I need to run.”  I felt awkward to get soooo much sleep.  That’s just not me.  Sure I get enough sleep, because I go to bed early.  But to nap and nap and nap.   Not me.

I stayed true to my word.  I took my two youngest to the park to meet friends, and we all scootered around the park (yes, I put on my pink helmet and joined in). 

Back home I lay back down upon my bed and relished the cool breeze blowing through the windows.  Just as I drifted back off to sleep our middle son approached to say, “Mom, you’re never going to get to sleep tonight.”  Wise boy.  But I didn’t care about sleep just then.  I cared about NOW, the moment.  And I felt that I still needed sleep.  I slept in that cool breeze comfortably, finally waking at 5:30 PM! (OMG!)

It wasn’t long after dinner before I tucked myself back into bed.  But not after talking to my mother about all this sleep.  She said, “Your body is healing.”  I can’t argue with that.  After reading an enlightening chapter of The Power of Now, I fell promptly asleep well before 11PM, to awaken at 6AM once again.

I felt much better this morning, not so deprived from not running.  I accomplished much over the past few days, despite my sleeping.  I applied for substitute teaching positions within the district that I’m currently employed.  Best off all, I got a little better at remaining in the NOW while NOT RUNNING.  I felt good, even though I haven’t run in almost a week.  THIS IS A MAJOR ACCOMPLISHMENT (that is to NOT feel anguish by not running.)

Off to the gym I drove this morning.  I swam 2,000 yards, showered, then sat in the sauna.  Feeling extremely relaxed, I nearly lay down for a nap in that wonderful dry heat.  Instead, I took off for home, made our boys breakfast then tucked back into bed for a “nap” until my friend phoned about 11 AM.  She laughed when I said that I was just awakening from a nap.

Somehow today, I felt freed.  Like the chains had been broken.  I know that it will take lots more practice to experience the present when I’m not running.  But I have to say that I made great steps toward getting things “back on track.”  I applied for employment.  I got together submission guidelines and prepared for a Friday literary submission.  I made phone calls that I needed to make.  I gathered paperwork and signed documents that needed attention.  I even lost 2.5 pounds

Miles logged today:  0

Another Nutty Post

Okay, now everybody has got to get in their nutty posts once in a while.  Mine was yesterday.  But behold, I believe today it’s coming on again.  It seems that I just can’t function my best without my runs.  When I woke at 6:00 I simply stayed in bed.  I had prior to this delusions of grandeur, that I, THAT IS ME, THE ONE WHO IS NOT RUNNING, would wake early and swim 2000 yards.  But then I just lay in bed and forced myself back to sleep.  When I woke at 7:00, I thought to myself, “stay in bed as long as you can.”  Why?  Oh, I don’t know – BECAUSE I WASN’T RUNNING.  

I could hear one of the boys up, on the computer or something as I lay there, for a couple more hours.  My husband lay there too and I thought, “he must be trying to beat me by staying in bed longer.”  So I studied his face, certain he was not sleeping.  But he was sleeping!  

Finally at 9:35 AM I couldn’t stand it any longer.  I got up with a major case of the blues and complete lack of motivation.  I did get to the gym yesterday morning and had a really good workout.  But today . . . I felt dumpy.  Grumpy too, but mostly dumpy.  First thing I did was weigh myself and write the number in big black numerals on the kitchen whiteboard.  When my lovely husband woke, he weighed himself too.  He wasn’t too keen when I wrote the number on the board.  “Do you have to right it so big?” he asked. 

I got some calls in that I needed to make.  I cleaned off my oldest sons’ dresser. I signed onto the internet.  I did dishes (by hand, because I felt like having CLEAN dishes for once!).  I signed on and off and on and off and on and off the internet.  I did laundry.  I frowned.  I got on the internet. I made potato salad.  I went grocery shopping.  I signed onto the internet.  And then, I went on a scooter ride to the park with my middle son.  The wind hit my face, and I smiled (not the fake smile I was putting on earlier in the day, a genuine smile).  We rode downhills and we rode uphills.  And when my boy said, “I hate uphills,” I grinned and said, “if you wanna go downhill, you gotta go uphill.”  He was right too, it was hard scooting myself with one foot up the hills.  I’m not too graceful switching feet (my oldest son simply jumps up above the scooter while in movement and switches feet on the landing). 

And then I got home and signed onto the internet. 

Time moves very slowly when I don’t run. 

Somewhere in the day, I decided to do every single one of my exercises/stretches.  I have this Excel Chart that lists out a multitude of exercises that I color in the box next to the particular exercise once completed.  I always do some of them.  Sometimes 50% of them.  Never have I done all of them in a single day.  Today, I colored in every single box.

These are the exercises (some of them I named myself because I don’t know what they’re called ):  abs, arm weights, clams, scissors, bridges, neuro-flossing, step lowers, straight column 10x, lean, lean & step, lean & run, side-to-side ball, plank, ball plank, ball bridges, wall walk, foam roll, figure 4 stretch, piriformis stretch, quad stretch, hamstring stretch, IT Band stretch, calve stretch, push ups.

Miles run today:  0