The Art of Suffering

Somewhere along my journey on the trails, I lost my way.  It didn’t happen all at once, but began when I was training for Twin Peaks 2012, in the last month before the race with my first signs of plantar fasciitis.  That was just the beginning.  Being pulled from Old Goat at mile 41 was the clincher.  I still tear up when I recount that moment when the jeep pulled up and the driver gave me the bad news.   All that work, all that suffering was for nothing.  But it wasn’t really.  I gained a lot that day, though all that new-found knowledge was not immediately known.  

Fast forward to May 2014, I’ve been making my way back since January of this year when I ran the Calico 30k.  I’ve been building up my mileage, albeit slowly.  I’ve been losing some pounds, albeut slowly (11 so far, but hey, at least the scale number is now going down and not up).  I’m also registered for 3 upcoming races, Nanny Goat 24 Hour (very soon!), Spartan Beast (September) and Twin Peaks 50 Miler (October).  And as soon as I get paid, I will register for Harding Hustle 50k (July).  

And then this:  Saturday, while riding the gym bike, I pulled out my complimentary copy of Spartan Up!  And within the first paragraph realized what the heck went wrong with my endurance running.  I realized that while trying to get through these huge challenges, I thought that I needed to “suffer better.”  By “suffer better,” I wanted to more quickly win the mental battles, stop throwing the little temper-tantrums when I couldn’t summit fast enough, and most of all, stop the sobbing.  But somehow that “suffer better” quest turned into “not suffer at all.”  Ya!  Like I’m going to run 30 to 50 miles in the mountains and not suffer!  What was I thinking?  I knew all along, but somehow forgot, that it’s not the “doing” that’s the prize -- it’s the conquering, it’s enduring the suffering to have it come to an end.  I once knew this!  I FORGOT.  Thanks goodness I remembered.  Thank you for the reminder Joe DeSena.  

Once I remembered that it’s not about the suffering, it’s about ENDURING the suffering, it changed a whole lot about my training these past few days.  The very next day in fact, I didn’t wake at the crack of dawn so that I could get my trail run done in cool weather.  Instead,  I went to church with my family (I haven’t done that in a long time!), did some errands and finally hit the trails at 1:30 in the afternoon, in the thick of the heat.  I made the run much more difficult on purpose.  Imagine that!!  The hills were difficult because of the heat, yes, but I gladly endured them.  Climbing Mentally Sensitive was a bear, but somehow it was not as difficult as it normally is.  It wasn’t as difficult because I realized that the prize wasn’t the actual climbing of this monster hill.  The prize was reaching the top, putting an end to my suffering, and looking out over the miles of trails I had already covered.  It doesn’t have to be pretty going up.  But it sure is pretty looking down. :)

Heat and Fire

We began this week with heat.  And it got hotter.  I subbed girls P.E. all day Monday and returned home wiped-out.  I practically had to crawl the minimum mile to keep up my Fitness Streak.

Tuesday, temperatures grew to three digits Fahrenheit.  I thought that I really didn’t have a choice but to run, being that this was the only morning I would have available during the week.  And so I headed out to Wood Canyon where I took Cholla to the ridge and ran to Top of the World in Laguna Beach.  I ran 6.64 miles and drank every single drop of my 70 fluid ounces of water.  Yikes.  I fared pretty well though, I’m sure because of my responsible fluid intake. 

I didn’t realize that the fires had started on Tuesday.  Wednesday, we all knew.  Wednesday came through, and the heat blazed down ever hotter.  Someone said 107 degrees, others 104.  Fueled by high winds, wildfires marched their way through San Diego County.   I live in Orange County, which borders San Diego County, where many of my family and friends reside.  I was kept constantly updated through Facebook or texting.  After another P.E. substitute teaching assignment, I was in no shape to get in a run Wednesday afternoon.  I cross-trained at the gym that night. 

Thursday I subbed P.E. again.  It got hotter, and I first began to see blackened skies from a fire in north county (north county being the northern cities of San Diego County).

Views from my parents’ backyard:

From Airport Park, up the road from their home: 

The nighttime heat was even too much for me to attempt a run on Thursday.  I didn’t even make it to the gym to cross-train.  Instead, I stumbled out my minimum mile. 

Today, we have some relief heat-wise, as the temperatures have dropped into the 90’s.  But the fires have reached my county.  Though I subbed P.E. (and home economics) today, all physical activity was called off at the schools.  We sat in air-conditioned rooms instead and watched movies.  Outside, the skies were gray and smoky.  Having not been out in the heat all day however, I was able to drag myself to the gym for some cross-training this afternoon. 

Hoping to run tomorrow.  Going to prepare like I am, but we shall see what the morning brings.  This fire has got to be gone before I run because I’d rather not run in the smoke (views from San Clemente, the city south of us):

My Lazy Twelve Miles

I woke late for a weekend run yesterday.  It was Mother’s Day in the USA.  And I got to feeling that I should stay home with my family instead of run.  I am a mother after all.  So, after dressing and packing for a run, I sat in my car with its motor running, and changed my mind about running.  I came back into the house so that I could spend the morning with my family (who were all still asleep at the time).  Fortunately my husband heard me, came out into the front room and said, “No way!  Today is your day.  You need to get out and do what you love to do.” 

And so, after an hour drive, thirty minutes of it off road, I headed up Holy Jim Trail at 8:30 in the morning this Mother’s Day.  Then I commenced to run a very lazy 12.71 miles of trail.  I write “lazy” because I really didn’t try at all.  It seemed that I didn’t put any effort into the run whatsoever.  I was there for the scenery, and enjoyed every second of it. 

The first five miles were a switch-back climb up Holy Jim.  I jumped over fallen trees and climbed beneath another.  I listened to a howling wind make its way through the canyon.  And I even took the time to stop at Holy Jim Falls.  It’s about a 1/2 mile detour off the main trail, which I rarely take because I’m usually too eager to make it to Bear Springs, the top of Holy Jim at The Main Divide.  I had a lovely time of solitude at the falls before the numerous hikers I passed along the way made their way to them.  I lost the crowds of hikers as I made my way back to the main trail and started up the big zig-zag alone.  

The wind blew so strongly along The Main Divide that I had to just stop and be there.  Wow.  It’s fierce howling made so much noise, it sounded like a jet airliner was flying close above.  I really just had to stand there (in awe!) and film this short clip so that I could show you a little of what it was like.

Beautiful Wind

I kind of liked running a lazy twelve miles.  It was no pressure, no guilt, no negative self-talk.  And I was actually able to finish strong, and that felt great.  I can’t remember the last time I was able to finish a mountain run that strong.

Miles run 12.71 (my guess was 12.63)

Better For It

Being that my regular teaching job is mainly evenings and sometimes Saturdays, I pretty much get to pick when I work during the day.  I substitute teach Kindergarten through 12th grade during the day.  Normally, I like to take as much work as I can get.  Today, I did not accept a single assignment because I wanted to hit the trails.  I have an extremely full schedule up ahead of assignments.  I gave myself a day off.  (The only advantage of not having a full-time contract). 

I ran far (12.08 miles), but not that hard.  On a total and complete whim, I took a turn out of Wood Canyon onto Coyote Run Trail.  And I back-tracked.  Yes, I back-tracked!  This is very odd and peculiar because I hate, hate, hate back-tracking.  But I had good reason (I think).  I back-tracked so that I could run up RockIt, which is also very odd and peculiar.  I have avoided running UP RockIt for quite some time.  I don’t know what exactly got into me today.  I will say that the climb was not utterly miserable.  It was quite enjoyable in fact.  I hiked when I needed to and considered that practice for Twin Peaks.   

Coyote Run:

RockIt:

I would tell you more.  But it’s probably much of the same that you’ve already read before if you’ve visited Laurenontherun prior to this.  It’s late, and I do have an assignment with an early morning start.  And so, I’ll just end with this:  I am sore after today’s run through the hills, but I am better for it – both mentally and physically.  I made some significant strides mentally.  And I think that overall, that is better than physically.

Happy running!  And thanks for reading.

When All Fails, Go To “Where The Sidewalk Ends”

There is a place where the sidewalk ends
And before the street begins,
And there the grass grows soft and white,
And there the sun burns crimson bright,
And there the moon-bird rests from his flight
To cool in the peppermint wind.
Let us leave this place where the smoke blows black
And the dark street winds and bends.
Past the pits where the asphalt flowers grow
We shall walk with a walk that is measured and slow,
And watch where the chalk-white arrows go
To the place where the sidewalk ends.
Yes we'll walk with a walk that is measured and slow,
And we'll go where the chalk-white arrows go,
For the children, they mark, and the children, they know
The place where the sidewalk ends.

Where the Sidewalk Ends by Shel Silverstein

I haven’t had much chance to run since I ended my Easter Running Streak.  I’ve been cross-training a little.  I’ve been working a lot.  This morning, I knew that I really needed to get out for a run.  It’s Wednesday after all, and I haven’t logged any miles for the week. After getting everyone fed, lunches made and the boys to school however, I had a meeting at the school district.  This was my original plan:  wear shorts, nice shorts to the meeting, but shorts nonetheless so that afterwards I can kick off my sandals, lace up some running shoes and get in my run.  I’d wear a nice summery blouse and change that in the car.  That way, I’d get some miles without wasting too much time.  But I realized this:  both of my knees have good-sized scabs on them from running falls.  Boo!  I could not go to a professional meeting with scabs on my knees.  Wearing shorts was pushing it.  But I have enough audacity to pull that off.  I don’t have enough audacity to show up with scabbed knees – not at age 49, perhaps when I was 12 attending a Girl Scout Meeting.

Okay then.  I decided to put on a pair of slacks instead and drive home to change after the meeting.  By the time I arrived home however, it was already 11 AM.    And I was tired.  Sleepy tired.  And so I took a nap.  A NAP! 

Fast forward to late afternoon, after chores and getting the boys home, I was at a loss what to do.  I didn’t want to head off to the gym again.  And I just didn’t have time to get in some trails.  I did the next best thing.  I ran out the door and alongside the ocean to where the sidewalk ends.  And then I turned around and ran back home. 

Run done.

Miles logged: 5.58 (8.98 km)

Still Not Ready

I ran my version of The Candy Store Loop once again this past Sunday.  And once again, it kicked my butt.   But I survived.  I fell only once (just a minor scrape to my uninjured knee).  I did not experience heat exhaustion, even amidst a heat wave.  And I did not run out of fluids.  I spotted a orangish-tan colored lizard that I’ve never seen in these mountains.  And I nearly stepped on a salamander.  Fortunately, I didn’t squash the critter, as Sunday, I ran with two friends (one who noticed the critter) – one new friend and one old (Nicole and Emmett).  Wait:  I must hum the tune that I used to sing in Girl Scouts so many, many, many years ago:  “Make new friends, and keep the old.  One is silver and the other gold.”

Though the elevation gain is not extreme for nineteen miles (just over 3,000’) this is one tough route.  It’s tough because of the technical aspect – rocks and boulders, and sand, and boulders, and rocks, and overgrown grass, and rocks, and boulders, and oh ya – scorching sunlight on exposed trail.  Did I mention rocks and boulders?  

But it’s all fun.  It really is.  And one of these days, I’ll finally be ready for The Candy Store Loop.

Chiquito Trail:

A Trickle at Chiquito Falls:

Salamander on the Trails:

Ocean View from Old San Juan Trail:

Chiquito Trail View:

Tired Dirty Feet back at The Candy Store (From left to right – Nicole, Me and Emmett):