No Perspective

I don’t know what’s the matter with me, except for the notion that I may have lost all, and I mean ALL perspective on strength and training.  When I run less than ten miles, I consider it a short run.  Nine miles:  short run.  If I put in less than 40 miles during a week, I feel like a failure.  I never feel strong in my training.  In fact, I feel like a complete weakling.  All. The. Time.  I go to the gym, spend an hour on the elliptical, a half hour on the treadmill for speed work, then an hour on the cycle.  I can top that off with thirty minutes of weights, another fifteen minutes of ab work, and I feel like I can’t do anything strength and endurance-wise, like I have no strength at all.

What is the matter with me?

I try and go with it and still plug through these workouts, enjoying the trails like I do.  But when it’s all said and done, I don’t get a sense of accomplishment.  I feel like I came up short, like I failed.  Like I don’t try hard enough.

Such is the truth concerning my training.

Still, I go out there and run those trails, not because they give me greater strength or endurance, but because they clear my mind and fill it with beauty. 

My first and only run thus far this week, came on late in the week – Thursday afternoon, 1 o’ clock in the afternoon, to be exact.  The heat was strong, and the air was heavy.  I didn’t feel like I could do it.  But I just started running, like I always do.  Sweat dripped down onto my face early on – it was so damn hot.  The hills were empty.  Really.  Empty.  I decided to run up Meadows Trail, a steep hot climb.  I didn’t fret going up, and I power-hiked most of it.  At the top of Meadows, I looked back at the Santa Ana Mountains and took in the view of my beloved Saddleback.

I continued on across Top of the World with no idea about my pace, as my garmin battery was dead (& I didn’t notice until I parked my truck).  Funny thing.  I really can’t tell how fast (or slow)  I’m running.  A 15 minute pace feels the same as a 10 minute pace to me.  Go figure.  The only difference I’ve noted on trails is that with the quicker pace, my steps are shorter.  And so I took shorter steps in a hopeful attempt to pick up my pace. 

Thursday’s heat run measured 9.4 miles.  And I only know that (because I wasn’t wearing a garmin) because I’ve run the route before.  My route:  Aliso Creek Canyon, Wood Canyon, Meadows Trail, Top of the World, West Ridge, Mathis, Wood Canyon, Aliso Creek Trail.

My swing break in Alta Laguna Park at Top of the World:

Howdy Neighbor

I got out the door this morning much later than I had planned.  The sun was already fully up, runners were running up and down the city streets.  This was going to be a problem.  It’s summertime now – and heat is building.  I REALLY need to get out there under darkness if I want to do long runs in the mountains

Okay, it is what it is.  So, I decided to cut my run about five miles short.  This way, I’d arrive back home about the same time I originally planned. I think what’s most important to me is not what time I leave, but what time I arrive home.  

I drove to Modjeska Canyon not at all in a hurry.  I even stopped at the tiny community park in the canyon to use the outhouse.  There were some bags of stuff like vhs videos and paperback books free for the taking at the entrance gate.  One book stood out to me – My First Summer in the Sierra, by John Muir.  I grabbed it as I hopped back into my truck and headed off for Tucker Wildlife Sanctuary.  (It wasn’t until later at the Laundromat when I began reading this book, that it felt that someone left it specifically for me!)

It was after 7AM when I began that wonderful-terrible climb up Harding Truck Trail.  I felt sluggish, but didn’t let that get me down.  I mean, how could I with a view like this:

Catalina Island looked like a mountain range.  Sometimes I can’t even see the island.  Today, cloud cover was gone.  Today, views were immense – the San Gabriel Mountains behind me, the Pacific Ocean in front of me.  I had to stop and stand at the edge of the trail and revel in the vastness before me.  I felt at one with the land during that moment, as if time didn’t move, when suddenly the loud rattling awakened me.  Wow.  Talk about ferocious.   I don’t know why anyone’s afraid of whether or not they’d hear a rattler.  Their rattling is so unbelievably loud, there’s no missing it.  It doesn’t sound like an insect or anything else except the loud, fierce rattling of a poisonous snake.  I immediately turned off the music on my ipod, focused in on the noise, and moved away from it.  I didn’t even bother to locate the snake.  I’ve seen enough rattlesnakes, and I had some time to make up on today’s run.  So, instead, I trotted away (UPHILL some more) on my way to Four Corners (where Harding Truck Trail meets The Main Divide). 

It was a struggle, a great struggle running up that gigantic switch-back.  I’m not talking about a mental struggle.  Mentally, I was there.  I knew eventually I’d make it.  And just because my abilities sucked this morning, didn’t mean that I’d flat-out fail come The Harding Hustle in two weeks. 

Several hikers made their way down Harding Truck Trail as I made my way up.  A few runners came down too, which is utterly unusual in my experience on this trail.  I rarely see runners on Harding Truck Trail.  Several cyclists raced down Harding as well.  Then with about three miles remaining to “Four Corners,” I passed the last hiker I’d see.  He was hiking down.  We both did a little wave, and just as I passed him, I realized that I knew this man.  I stopped in my tracks, looked back at him and said, “You look familiar.”  I thought that he was probably one of my students, someone recent, or a student that had been in my class more than once – he looked that familiar.  I’m not sure if he recognized me immediately of it if just donned on him, but he said, “I’m your neighbor.”

Doh!  My neighbor!  My next-door neighbor.  Can you imagine?  I don’t know my neighbor!  My husband does.  But, I’m rarely out front.  And in my defense (a little anyway), he has only been our neighbor for a short while.  I can’t even tell you how long, but less than a year (I think).  We chatted a bit for the first time today on Harding Truck Trail, and I found out that he was doing the same 19 miles as I.  I had to laugh that we have this huge common interest, live right next door to each other, and for the first time really, spoke on this mountain. Howdy neighbor.

After our quick chat, I stopped at this scenic view to phone my hubby and tell him who I met on the trail:

Well, I finally made it to “Four Corners,” in just about the worst time I’ve ever ran it.  I sat for a bit and re-packed my hydration pack (had empties to tie on), and then I took off for that long, hot, exposed nine plus miles down.  I came upon several hikers making their way up in the extreme heat.  Thank goodness for a slight breeze.  I tried to power run it down, and hoped that I’d catch my neighbor.  No such luck.  I was lucky to maintain a 13 minute mile, so sluggish and worn out was I.  I tripped really hard once, slightly several times.  And I ran out of water with a little over a mile remaining. 

Last time I made this run (last week), I came in thirty minutes quicker than usual.  Today, I came in forty-five minutes slower than usual.  I’ll take it.  18.76 miles on trails is pretty much great any way I look at it. 

Misty Summer

Wednesday’s Run:

Miles:  10.39 (16.72 km)

Elevation Gain: 1,243 ft (379 m)

Location:  Aliso/Wood Canyons

Route:  Aliso Creek Trail, Wood Canyon, Meadows, Mentally Sensitive, Top of the World, West Ridge, Mathis, Wood Canyon, Aliso Creek Trail

Weather:  humid, but a deliciously cool and misty summer morning.  Began running in the clouds, ended beneath sunshine.

I Hate Horsethief

I may not look like it in this picture – but I HATE West Horsethief.  I really do.  That trail is a vampire.  It sucks the blood right out of me and leaves me there in the dirt to die.  So, ask me this:  Why did I decide to take on Horsethief in the middle of the afternoon during the summertime?  I have a good explanation for that.  Well, I don’t know how good.  To make it quick, I needed to pick up our youngest son in Wildomar on Sunday.  Just so happens that The Saddleback Mountains separates me from that destination.  Normally, I would have driven around the mountains.  On Sunday, I thought, “Heck – I’ll take a short cut.  I’ll drive to the top of the mountain.  AND, while I’m at the top of the mountain, I’ll run back down into the canyon . . .  then run back up to the ridge – via Horsethief.” 

What the heck!!!

What. Was. I. Thinking?

I knew right away that I was probably in trouble.  I felt miserable at 1:30 PM climbing up The Main Divide in 100+ F degree weather.  And I felt pretty miserable running down Trabuco (because the terrain was so rocky I couldn’t get a foothold!!!).  But it certainly was GORGEOUS.  Trabuco is awesomely beautiful.  Enough to forget about the potential hell that awaited. 

My Beautiful Trabuco:

My real troubles began as soon as I set foot upon Horsethief.  I yearned for shade.  SHADE.  SHADE.  SHADE.  I felt that I could not bear the trek another step.  But I had to.  Had to.  I was in a canyon with no way out, but UP.  I pretty much hated every second of it.  But I plugged forward, else fall down in the dirt and cry.  Hell, I tell you!  Hell.  When I finally reached a bit of shade, there were no branches strong enough to lean against and hold me up.  I tried to hunch over and grab my knees.  But my hands just flew off my knees from the sweat.  Finally, I just decided that in order to cool off, to stop my insides from boiling over on this ridiculous incline, I needed to stop and  SIT in the shade.  And this is what I did.  I sat until I could feel my body temperature decline.

And then, I finally made it.  I reached The Main Divide.  I wasn’t giddy, and I wasn’t elated.  Instead, I bushwhacked my way  to the water stash.  I was so grateful to find the stash was still there.  Thing was, the tarp was thrown off and the tens of gallons were exposed to the hot heat.  After washing my face in HOT water, I poured a jug over my head.  And then I filled my pack with this hot water.  I didn’t mind taking the time to put the tarp back over the water.  I was in no hurry to continue on.  Eventually, I took off on The Main Divide in sopping wet clothes, but thankfully with a body temperature declining. 

As the gnats swarmed my face, I caught a clear glimpse of Lake Elisnore.  Not far from the lake, our youngest son played, joyfully I’m sure, with his friend at his nearby home in Wildomar.  I couldn’t wait to get there.  But move, I could hardly manage.  I ran the flats and I ran the downhills.  I didn’t run quickly though.  And I didn’t even much look at my garmin for pace.  Misery.  This is what I was training for.  How many more steps?  Don’t think about that.  Just one foot in front of the other, and then I will be done . . .

That took FOREVER.  But I made it.  Indeed I did.  

When I drove home that evening, I drove around the mountain instead of up and over.  I was done with mountains for the day! 

Harding Truck Trail

Yay!  The boys are finally off school for the summer.  And it took long enough!  Really.  This had to be the longest school year ever.  EVER.  I celebrated on Thursday by tip-toeing out of the house while everyone still slept and drove to Modjeska Canyon for a run up Harding Truck Trail.  I didn’t want to do it.  It was the last thing I wanted to do.  Seriously.  But I knew that all I had to do was get my feet going up that monster climb, and if I just put one foot in front of the other that I’d eventually reach the top of that 9.32 miles.  And in the end I’d be happy.  Happy and dead-dog-tired. 

I arrived to the top of Harding Truck Trail (Four Corners) five minutes sooner than I did when I last ran this trail.  I’ll take it.  Five minutes isn’t much, but at least my time was not slower.  I really made up my time on the down hill portion when I forced a strong 9 mile finish, completing the entire 19.64 miles thirty minutes quicker than usual.    This was tough.  I know it’s all downhill.  But it’s rocky and hot and my water was running low – this on top of having just ran over nine uphill miles. 

The Tucker Wildlife Sanctuary was open when I arrived at the bottom.  I rushed inside to purchase a cold water and Diet Coke.  So wiped out was I that I possessed no strength to “stand” in line.  And so I sat on the floor, sweaty and hot, my eyes stinging from salt, as I waited to pay.  

Wow.  These are the days!

Mentally Sensitive

I got out for some trail miles this morning under wonderfully dark and gloomy skies.  The weather was muggy, but a little cool as well.  I struggled once again up Mentally Sensitive – it’s not getting any easier (not yet anyway).   The best thing was:  I made it to the top!

Total miles run:  10.66 (17.2 km).  My guess was 10.8 miles.  My guesses seem to be getting further and further away.  It must be all that Mentally Sensitive stuff is making my brain mush.

The deceitful Mentally Sensitive Trail:

And then the Going Gets Tough: