TALES FROM THE TRAIL (AND SOMETIMES THE ROAD TOO)

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

I Learn

So.  I have no antenna on my truck.  I lost it off-roading.  I witnessed it fling off the truck and whip into the bushes.  When I told my hubby this (months ago), he said, “Nah.  You couldn’t have been driving so hard that you ripped off your antenna.” 

“Yup, I was, and I’m sorry.”

“No.  Look, the threads are still there.  Someone must have unscrewed it.”

“No.  It came off when I was driving.”

“It’s impossible,” he said.  “Someone definitely stole it.”

“Okay, maybe someone stole it.”  I didn’t have the heart to keep insisting that it was all me.   But when we’re super old, sitting in our rocking chairs on the front porch, I’ll bring it up again and come clean.   

Obviously, purchasing an antenna is not top priority.  The downside is that I have no access to the car radio.  This means my truck is now scattered with cd’s.  What point am I getting to here?  None really (let’s just see where it goes).  Today when I ran out to my office to grab yet another cd (because of said antenna), I picked one that I haven’t listened to for years and years.  And as luck would have it, the words to one particular song really hit home.  It made me feel better about all the stupid mistakes I’ve made running trails.  It made me feel better about all my mistakes period.  It made me feel better about trying to running 50 miles when I might not be able to, and if I do, there’s not a chance in heck that I’d come anywhere near placing.  It made me feel better about trying to do a cartwheel or attempting a black diamond run when I’m a mediocre skier.  It made me feel better about losing my car antenna. 

The song is called, “You Learn.”  And I do learn, I really do.  I may not learn as quickly as I’d like to, but I do learn lots running these trails.  I learn lots falling flat on my face.  I learn lots plopping to the dirt from dehydration.  I learn from the rattlesnakes who cross my path.  I learn from the people I meet along the way.  Trails aren’t all beauty.  They aren’t all just an escape.  They are little lessons all over the place waiting to be learned.  This is why I’ve got to get back, and why I’m taking baby steps to do it. 

This afternoon I went out for another “no pressure” run.  Again, I took in some elevation, but shied away from the mileage.  In all I ran about 8 miles.  I brought lots of fluids, and even calories that I knew I would never need.  But I brought them anyway.  Why?  I learned.  Winking smile

Today’s run down Rock It:

Running along Coyote Run Trail:

Coming out of Wood Canyon:

Wear it out (the way a three-year-old would do)
Melt it down (you're gonna have to eventually anyway)
The fire trucks are coming up around the bend

“You Learn,” Alanis Morissette

Running Cholla TOW Rock It back to Cyn Vistas 8-13-2013, ElevationRunning Cholla TOW Rock It back to Cyn Vistas 8-13-2013

Monday, August 12, 2013

Baby Steps

It’s time to come back.  I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’ve been going through a rough time for a couple years now.  A really rough time running-wise, for about 9 months.  It seems that I’ve lost my way in life which also means my way in running.  And I want to get back! 

Today, I decided not to make any big sweeping promises to myself.  I’m just going to get out there and do it.  As far as the life troubles go, I’ve been motivated lately by a Japanese saying that I took from the book Farewell to Manzanar.  We’ve always said in our family, “It is what it is.”  But those words don’t go far enough.  Instead, I now say, “Shikata ga nai,”  which means, “It must be done.”  The way I see things now is that it is what it is, but it must be done, and I have no choice but to endure.  If trail running hasn’t taught me endurance, then it hasn’t taught me anything.  That’s what I say.

So, I’m picking myself up off the ground, and I’m taking baby steps.  Whatever I’m going through Shikata ga nai.  There’s no use beating myself up over my troubles.  Instead, I’ll just run.  Just like I did this afternoon.

My feet moved seamlessly over the dirt.  And that surprised me.  I get so worried that I will have lost my running by not putting in as much as I used to.  I took some tough hills.  But I didn’t go for the long mileage.  I headed to one of my first trail running accomplishments – Top of the World. 

(If you click on the picture or a bigger view, you can see where I tried to I mark Top of the World in this picture):

It felt so right to run the trails this evening.  It felt so right to sweat the hills and scour the landscape for rattlesnakes.  Anytime a problem entered my mind, I scolded it, “No!”  and the thought disappeared into the dirt.  Today’s run gave me one of the greatest gifts a run can give.  It gave me peace.

Water source at Top of the World (the little one is for the doggies):

Looking at The Saddleback Mountains from Top of the World:

Heading back to the truck after a refill:

I noticed this along the rolling hills of West Ridge (The trails are my friend!):

Running Cyn Vistas to TOW and back 8-12-2013, Elevation

Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Back on the Horse

I have finished moping recuperating from Saturday’s fail.  Sunday and Monday I got in some nice neighborhood walks with my boys.  But I did not run.  It’s not that I thought that I would never run again.  Nothing’s that bad.  I do believe I’ve reached the point of no return.  As long as I am able to run, I will run.  Still, I think that I owed myself a rest.  Sunday, I was not all-together well, still a bit weak.  I slept most of the day away. 

Today, I dusted myself off and “got back on the horse.”  While hubby cooked dinner, I decided to put in a short run in and about the marina.  I ran five easy miles.  I had no goal whatsoever in mind.  I merely ran. 

Sunday, August 4, 2013

I Betcha My “Walk-Of-Shame’s” Bigger Than Yours

My initial plans regarding Saturday’s run was not to blog the event.  I thought that I’d act like it never happened, that I’d keep it a secret. 

I changed my mind.

Let me start with the fact that the first 15 miles of my 20 mile loop in the Saddleback Mountains were absolutely joyous.  I began running at sunrise.  I felt strong.  I ran without injury.  I had water stops where I refilled on every occasion.  I always had more fluids than I needed.

I experienced tranquility as the sun came up:.

I took in spectacular views as I ran along the mountain ridge (The Main Divide):

I stood in awe over the biggest pinecones I’ve ever seen:

I even had the company of my gnat friends (embrace the gnats!) who seemed to prefer the ridge of nose:

Saturday’s trails were in the same mountains that I always run.  The only difference was, I ran the trails reversed.  Instead of running up Holy Jim, I ran down Holy Jim, and instead of running down Trabuco Trail, I ran up Trabuco Trail.  Reversing my loop was a mistake mainly because it meant a huge climb out back to Blue Jay (where I began this run).  But the route wasn’t my biggest mistake.  I could have done it if I had not made the BIG mistake.  My biggest and crucial mistake was only packing a little more than 400 calories.  Sure, I got the fluids thing down pat.  I foolishly left something just as important out – fuel.

When I stopped in the bottom of the Canyon (Holy Jim Parking lot), I took out my water stash and refilled on fluids.  For good measure, I guzzled down a great deal straight from the jug.  I talked to a cyclist (who thought I was a bit crazy to make the climb to Blue Jay via Trabuco).  I felt fine though.  I knew the climb out would be difficult.   But I can do difficult.

I took in my last 200 calories as I started up Trabuco.  It isn’t very steep at first.  I ran in and out of shade.  I snapped a few photos.  I even came upon another runner that I saw on the ridge, as he closed up his loop via Horsethief.  He asked whether I was climbing up Trabuco back to Blue Jay.  When I said that I was, he replied, “Nice work!” 

Trabuco when it was all still good (though the climb was getting tougher and tougher):

As the climb increased, I grew weaker.  My legs felt like lead, and I wanted to stop.  But I wanted more to finish up this loop.  So I trudged onward with the promise that I would stop and rest when I made the Horsethief/Trabuco junction. 

That junction took F O R E V E R.  I continued moving forward in a haze with one thought, “One foot in front of the other.”  And thank goodness for the shade here and there.  But my running had turned into a hike.  And there was no changing that.  I felt too weak.  Still, I didn’t question whether I could make the trip back to Blue Jay.  I just conceded to the fact that this trip was going to be dang difficult. 

Finally, the West Horsethief/Trabuco junction:

I stumbled across the dry creek and found a boulder on the trail in the shade.  Here I sat and rested.  I was sure my back did not face a good spot for a mountain lion to pounce.  Yes, day time attacks are extremely rare (as are attacks in general), but I am still fearful about sitting or stooping down on a trail.  Even when I tie my shoe, I usually bring my foot up rather than stoop down.  Anyway, I rested for probably ten minutes on that boulder before gaining enough strength to continue on. 

And then the shade ended, and the terrain became extremely rocky.  With only about two miles left, I hung onto flimsy tree branches to rest.  And then I finally resorted to more sitting.  After walking approximately twenty-five feet I would have no more strength to continue.  I felt light headed, like I might vomit, so I’d find another piece of shade to sit down on the rocky trail.  I rested, taking deep breaths from my diaphragm.  I sipped my fluids, I took electrolyte pills.  Honestly, though, I took in the water at much lesser intervals.  My nausea was getting too much to take anything down. 

Some times I stopped more frequently, without even caring whether I found shade.  I would simply plop down in the rocks and lean on my side.  Standing back up took a great deal of strength, which I often used the aid of a branch.  Whenever I could, I rested on a boulder.  That way, the trip back to a standing position was not as painful.  My thighs ached, kinda of like labor pains (a painful throbbing in the thigh muscles), when I stood back up.  But I’d continue on until my breathing became so irregular and I thought I was going to pass out.

Now, my rests were flat out laying on the ground.  I didn’t care anymore about positioning myself safely from mountain lion attacks.  The ugly truth is that as soon as I bolted up because I was going to vomit, I would suddenly feel like I was going to experience diarrhea.  Thankfully, this did not occur, because I did not have enough strength to prepare for such an occurrence.

With about 2 miles remaining of this climb, I began to worry.  I mean REALLY worry.  I didn’t know how close to “the edge,” I was.  I mean, good, experienced trail runners have died on the trail.  Did they know when they were at the point when that was a possibility?  I didn’t know what it felt like to be at the point of no return.  I checked for cell service, and I had none.  I could not call family or friends.  I could call for emergency help only. 

The veins in my temples throbbed HOT blood around my forehead.  I just needed to lay down, CONSTANTLY.  I began to imagine how pissed my family would be if I died on the trails.  And I decided I had to call for help.  I made several attempts, to no avail.  Then I began weeping as I made that climb upward.  Each time I lay down to rest and get my regular breathing back, I’d try my phone again.  Nothing.

Finally, I got an emergency operator.  This is what I said:  I am not lost.  I do not need police, fire or medical aid.  I need a ranger.  I think I may pass out on the trail.  The operator thought for sure that I was lost.  I assured him that I knew exactly where I was.  I was only a short way from The Main Divide (probably a 1/2 mile).  A ranger would not be able to get a truck to me, but if I could just make it to The Main Divide, I could get in the truck for a ride back into Blue Jay.  That’s all I needed.  I was not injured.  I was just sick and so light headed that I could only take a few steps at a time.

Then I lost connection. 

I continued with the same routine:  Walk some, lay down some and rest.  The trail looked very different to me travelling it in reverse.   My spirit was squashed again and again by false summits.  I did not try and call emergency again.  I figured that a ranger would be waiting for me at The Main Divide. 

FINALLY, I caught a glimpse of the trailhead’s post.  I would have run to it if I could have.  Heck, I would have crawled to it if I could have.  No, I needed one more rest up.  So, I collapsed to the dirt floor and lay on my side, listening for a truck.  Silence.

It was then that I got the biggest surprise in my life.  A red and white rescue helicopter with red flashing lights swooped in just above Trabuco’s treeline and passed right over me.

No, no, no, no, no!!!!  I did not need a helicopter. 

I was mortified.  I painstakingly pushed myself up and made those last steps of my walk of shame up to The Main Divide.  The helicopter did not see me as it searched up and down Trabuco.  I collapsed in the dirt, waiting for my strength to make the downhill trip back into Blue Jay when a truck pulled up.  It was not a ranger truck, but two young adventurers who had driven the ridgeline from Silverado Canyon. 

They gave me a ride down The Main Divide toward the campground.  Lauren and Wes were their names.  About then, my phone came into emergency service range, and I received several texts from the firemen in the helicopter.  I felt like such a FOOL.  I didn’t have my glasses so I could not text them back.  Lauren text’d for me, to say that they had me in their truck. 

The helicopter did not fly off for good until an OC Sherriff fire truck came booming around the corner.  It was a huge truck, not your regular street fire truck, but a red, extremely tall mountain-terrain fire truck.  I slid out of Lauren and Wes’s truck and continued on my walk of shame to the firemen.  They brought me to the back of a truck so that I could sit on the ledge.  They hooked me up to electrodes, took my blood pressure, measured my blood sugar.  I couldn’t sit on the ledge any longer, so I made my way to the ground when my stomach began cramping terribly. 

The three men were very kind.  And I felt so stupid.  I could have avoided this.  They fed me ice-cold fluids.  I refused a ride to the hospital, so they stayed there with me sitting in the dirt until my vitals returned to normal.  My heart-rate was high, my blood pressure and my blood sugar were low.  Oddly, my body temperature was low as well.  It read 94F. 

Probably about an hour later, I was seat belted in their truck being driven down to my truck.  I thanked them profusely.  And I apologized.  I cannot tell you how much of an idiot I felt like.

(The profile below includes about a mile of the drive with Lauren and Wes):

Main Divide Holy Jim Trabuco Loop 8 3 13

Back at home, I still felt sick.  Protein, I craved protein, and at first ate meat (two hamburgers!!).  Then I stumbled to my bed and fell asleep still in my running clothes, caked in dirt from head to toe. 

When I woke two hours later, my stomach and back cramped.  After a hot bath,  I made posts on facebook and decided I would tell this story because I didnt want anyone to have to learn it firsthand.  Pack calories.  Pack calories.  Pack LOTS of calories.  What was I thinking going on a 6,400’ elevation gain run with only 400 calories?  I wasn’t thinking.  And that is not good.

Even late into the night I still craved protein.  I ate some junk food (like cheese!!) but really wanted more than anything – 3 bean salad.  My friend Dena saw that Facebook post.  She woke her husband, The O.C. Rock n’ Roll Chef.  He made some 3 bean salad with the ingredients in their kitchen, and she brought it over at about 10PM.  It was the best dang 3 bean salad I’ve ever had (I ate it for breakfast this morning too).  Thanks friends!  And thanks to the kindness of strangers, once again, I have been humbled.  I really hope that I can help strangers as much as they have helped me.

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Friday, August 2, 2013

I Am So Weird

I remember as a child asking friends, “Do you think I’m weird?”  I so didn’t want to be “weird.”  Having grown up, I now KNOW that I’m weird, and it’s not so bad.  I don’t even care.  In fact it’s kind of fun.  People, my friends, sometimes look at me questioningly with an expression on their faces that says, “What the heck?” 

Even though, I can hide my weirdness and behave normally at any given moment, I’ve grown accustomed to being “weird.”  We all know it – I’m out of the closet, my friends and family know, my students know, the neighbors probably know.  It’s gotten to a point that I’ve forgotten all about being weird. (I sense that most runners are weird – just a hunch).   

And then this morning . . . I woke at 4AM, drank two cups of coffee, surfed the internet.  I made a Chia Fresca, packed, laced up my trail shoes.  Then I got in my truck and headed toward the mountains for a 15 mile run out of Trabuco Canyon.  I wanted to check on my water stashes. 

I drove nearly an hour under darkness, paid money to drive the toll road.  The sun had not yet risen when I reached the mouth of the canyon.  I found the gravel road particularly dark and desolate.  There’s usually headlights here and there when I drive it.  I wasn’t looking forward to the off road portion when suddenly, and I mean in an instant I decided I didn’t want to be alone today.  I could not bare loneliness.  I did not hesitate one bit, or put another thought into it as I did a three-point turn and drove back out of the canyon.  I took the toll toad home, and thought to myself, I AM SO WEIRD. 

Back at home, everyone in the house was still asleep as I changed into some sleeping clothes and went back to bed. 

This is my “running” story for today.

My husband said that I shouldn’t feel badly, that I should always go with my “gut” feeling.  There was a reason, he said, that I got that feeling.  He liked that I acted on it.

Who’s the weird one now? Winking smile

Thursday, August 1, 2013

Days Gone Past

Tuesday, my oldest son and I hopped on a bus and took it to Newport Beach.  He wanted to see the WWII bunker that I ran to on Monday.  Rather than hike (or run) the 10 mile round trip route to the bunker, where the parking is free, I decided we’d hike from the park’s main entrance.  This is why the bus: parking at the park’s entrance is $15.00.  The bus is $2, or $5 for a day pass.  Plus the bus is way fun.

We hiked up B.F.I. a three mile round trip.  My son added some initials to lengthen the trail’s name to a much longer name that is too profane to mention here.  We reached the bunker, hiked back and took the bus headed south.  We disembarked in Laguna Beach for lunch, then hiked the highway to the next bus stop home. 

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By the time we reached home (5PM), I was so fatigued, I took a nap and did not run.  Therefore, the running streak was finished.  My fitness streak however (from Fitness Streakers on facebook) remained intact.  The rules to that group page are to run, walk, hike, bike or treadmill at least one mile a day. 

A two-day knee ache stayed with me Wednesday, but wanting to keep up the fitness streak, I pulled on a knee brace.  Then I went for a 1.17 mile run around the neighborhood. 

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Suddenly Wednesday night I decided to call a friend from our boys’ music school.  It was then I found that our mutual friend had died in hospice.  I went to bed Wednesday night broken hearted.  Even though I felt so fortunate that our lives’ paths crossed, I was terribly sad.  I’m still sad.  And I’m still fortunate.  Tommy was a wonderful, eccentric, quirky guy.  He was a great musician, an unbelievably awesome musican.  He taught my son to be a great musician.   

I slept terribly Wednesday night, and I would have rather stayed in bed all of Thursday.  But I couldn’t do that to my family. 

I also didn’t want to run.  I really didn’t give a hoot about my fitness streak.  Deep down though, I knew that I had to run.  I didn’t think a run would do anything magical.  But I did know it would allow me to escape.  A run would allow me to forget and live only in the moment.  And that is just what I did for five miles in the coastal hills above Laguna Beach.  I ran.

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