I’m Scared to Death

Aside from normal scary life stuff, like hardships for my children, or death of loved ones, or experiencing a car accident, I’m not usually scared by things.  Rattlesnakes don’t scare me. Speaking in public doesn’t scare me.  Heights don’t scare me.  Roller coasters don’t scare me.  I don’t get claustrophobic.   Falling down a mountain doesn’t really scare me.  Even cutting my own hair, blinded to the backside (like I did today), doesn’t scare me.

I’ll tell you what scares me – this SATURDAY.  I’m scared to death about the Saddleback Marathon, mainly because I’m not trained.  Not only am I not train, I am injured, and I’m gonna go out here (foolishly) and run 26.2 miles with 5000+ of elevation gain. (At least it will be beautiful).  If you’ve been reading all along, you know I didn’t do this on purpose.  Life just got in the way.

Such is life.

Such is life?

Such is my life.

A 17 year old student asked said to me this afternoon, “I don’t mean to be disrespectful, but how old are you?”

When I told him that I was 45, he seemed impressed that I was doing the race this weekend.  Little does he know.  There’s a multitude of 45-plus-year-olds that can blow me away on that mountain this weekend.

And so . . .

Races don’t normally SCARE me like this.  I was too stupid to be scared for my first Calico Ghost Town race.  By the second year, I knew, and I was scared.  I was a little scared about my first marathon, the San Diego Rock ‘n Roll Marathon.  But I never doubted that I could do it.  I also remember being scared about my first half (Disney Half Marathon) – but again, I didn’t doubt that I could do it. Though I’m always anxious about going up Bulldog, I don’t even recall being as scared as I am now with the Bulldog 50k (my first DNF).  I completely envisioned that I could finish that thing.  But now, with all that’s happened this year, my glute still stabbing with pain, I’m scared, I mean, scared stiff about the Saddleback Marathon.  You can be sure, I’m going more than prepared (that is, I’m packing in everything I could possibly need – so what if it weights 25 pounds : ).

So I went to the gym today, with the notion to stretch and relax.  I rolled my glutes and my IT Band to no end.  I stretched.  And I worked on my abs – surprisingly experiencing a good deal of glute pain. 

Afterward, I sat in the steam room, concentrating on my breathing.  I pretty much hated it in there with those boiling hot drops of water falling on me (and my ipod!!). Then I went to the sauna (I love the sauna).  I laid down on the cedar bench, listening to music through earphones for two long (8 minute) songs.  I focused on breathing again (meaning diaphragm breathing, in through the mouth, out through the nose).  When it was time to leave, sadly I could not lift myself off the bench without excruciating glute pain.  There I laid in an empty sauna with no way to get up.  If only someone could walk in and offer me a hand, pull me up.  When it looked like that wasn’t going to happen, I rolled myself down to the lower bench, then quickly rolled myself up.

I ended this “stretch and relax” session with 15 minutes in the jacuzzi.  Focusing the jet stream on my glutes, I finished up surprisingly refreshed.  It wasn’t until after work (wearing pumps for 4 hours) that the glute pain resumed.  And oh ya, my deltoid/pec ached with no relief.   After dinner out, a sticky heating pad on my shoulder, plus with a couple glasses of wine and 3 Motrin, I told my husband, “I need to drink a couple glasses of wine before the Saddleback Marathon and I will be fine.”

Ya.

Meanwhile, another horse pill antibiotic to swallow tonight, two more again tomorrow and days to come . . . perhaps all will be well come this weekend.

On the plus side, I will be running this race with a very sweet running friend who is also scared, and maybe another running friend (who I don’t think is scared : )  But that’s okay too, she can lead the way!