My summer vacation (17 days total, plus there were some weeks that I only taught 9 hours) is grinding to a halt. I am grinding to a halt. That’s what it feels like anyway, like I have little energy or incentive to do much of anything. That is why I keep a list of the top thirty or so things that I need to do. That way, in my lethargy, I will manage to get something done -- because of my neurotic need to cross things off a list.
So, why so lethargic and down? Well, first off, my diet has not been that great lately, with birthdays and other summer celebrations. When carbs were increased in my diet, my energy levels decreased, right on cue. But there have been other things too: the heat, the #HolyFire, some trouble for one of my brothers, and just overall worry about the near future. And I also recently attended my 35th high school reunion, which as is always the case with reunions, was bittersweet. Don’t get me wrong. I enjoyed the night, and it was great seeing so many people from long ago. But events like these are draining, mainly so because I begin to think about the past, and really, the past is not the ideal place to be. Even to spend a little time in the past, though the past is by no means horrible, is stressful. (I don’t want to remind myself what a stupid kid I was!).
Today started off as a particularly lazy day. After accompanying my oldest son this morning to bring his car in for repair, I lay on the living room couch for about 3 hours. I don’t think that I slept. I just closed my eyes and pondered what I would do for the remainder of my day. I found that I had absolutely no ambition to do anything whatsoever as my days off from work slipped away. Some time after noon, I grabbed my middle and youngest sons and dragged them off to buy new shoes. They also start school next week. And shoes meant that I could cross something off my list. But then I found myself at home again with absolutely no ambition to do a single thing. Though I did some reading, and also checked emails (answered a couple). Finally about 4 pm, wearing flip-flops, I took my dog for a walk around the neighborhood. I loved the fresh air. I loved moving one foot in front of the other. And that’s when it dawned on me what I really needed. I REALLY needed to wander. The heat and the mountains on fire have deterred me from wandering lately, and I’m guessing that is helping with my low ambition. Wandering is part of the medicine that keeps me even, or rather, balanced. Wandering is like a sifter – it sifts out much of the unnecessary burdens that I’m carrying on my shoulders.
I took off out my front door at about 5:00 pm and headed down PCH (Pacific Coast Highway). And then I wandered. I wandered for 7.25 miles all the while making my way into Doheny State Beach, Capistrano Beach, and the Dana Point Harbor. I didn’t get much elevation gain (about 450’) and the terrain was not at all rugged. But I caught glimpses of pelicans nose diving into the ocean for fish. I watched the waves crash down while others enjoyed the surf. I saw the destruction that the tide had done to the beach parking lots at the southern end of town. I looked at the faces of many people. I smiled or at least grinned or nodded my head when eye contact was made. A rabbit crossed my path, and at least three trains powered by. I saw squirrels and seagulls and reflections in the water. And best of all, I got my feet moving in that robotic manner that I find so comforting. One foot in front of the other.
So, as mopey that I am, or as anxious that I am, at least I got to do that. I got to wander.
The journey (though it was dull, it was wonderful, because dull is wonderful, aside from the fact that nothing is ever really dull):
PCH -- Pacific Coast Highway
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