April 15 – hiked to Baker’s Cross (near Black Star Canyon) for the best Stations of the Cross hike in town. Just about 2 miles long, you can almost double that by hiking up the steep dirt driveway, which I did. I highly recommend this Stations of the Cross – what awesome views for a Good Friday!
Gone are my wanderings of late. There’s reasons for that. I’m working on other things. I’m concerned. I’m pre-occupied and I’m watching. I’m at peace at home but then I go and look out there at the big ole’ world (I need to stop doing that!) There’s things happening that I never thought I’d see – things of nightmarish novels I read in my youth. Why am I being vague? You probably know why. People from both sides of the thought spectrum are “cancelled” for talking about the “wrong” things. Privacy, freedom of speech, individual rights, they don’t seem to mean much anymore. When I lose my focus, these things distress me. I hate that weight. And so I’ve been turtling. Aside from my trips to the beach, I hunker down in my home away from the world. I try to grow there. I have a few secret places on my own little piece of property for retreat.
I stop by the shore often in the morning, at sunrise if I can manage. I watch and listen to the waves. Time escapes me sitting before the Pacific and before I know it, three hours have passed and I need to rush home for a Zoom meeting.
The Pacific Ocean (from Doheny Beach, Dana Point, CA):
On one such recent morning, I noticed a lone swimmer out past the waves as I stared off at the horizon. It was one of those mornings when time escaped me and before I knew it, hours had passed. How can so much time pass without even realizing? Well, there’s much to be see, much to hear, and much to smell and feel down at the seashore. That’s my excuse.
After all that time, the swimmer was still out there – in the wilderness just on the outskirts of civilization! (Get where I’m going here?) What a longing that this put into me! Right then, I decided to 36 hour fast (for I had not yet eaten for the day) and hike up to one of my secret places the next day to break my fast. Why add the fast? I suppose to make it more special, to add more purpose. Well, I sobbed at this decision. Later, in anticipation, I choked back tears more than once. It had been too long.
The next morning (November 6), I was up before sunrise and drove through a thick fog to Black Star Canyon. I had lots on my mind. I had lots of questions, and much to let go of (or at least try and release). I thought I would suffer physically because it had been so long since I hiked mountain trails. Honestly, because I anticipated physical suffering, I kind of wanted physical suffering. There’s a kind of cleansing I feel in physical suffering. I felt that would do me good at this particular moment in time. But I felt so good by the time I reached the Native American “village” that I thought for sure I could have made it to the Main Divide without issue. I broke my fast with some cheddar cheese, crackers and a beef stick at about 10:30 am while sitting on a huge boulder overlooking Black Star Canyon. Baker’s Cross stood straight ahead in the distance.
Beautiful hike. About 10.5 miles. Much tears. Some sadness. But greater joy.
Black Star Canyon: