Post Dump

Chimera is just around the corner. My life is hectic, and stressful, and borderline chaotic. Haven’t even been able to run or make it the gym much, instead needing to rush home between classes to do lesson plans, write some Chimera emails, grade projects, or write a paper for an online class I’m taking. The entire back seat of my car is full of stacks of papers, notebooks, and more papers and more notebooks (not to mention two gym bags full of crap). To add to this chaos, my precious cat was killed last week (and she was so very precious to me), and that pretty much made me want to just stop everything. But I had to keep plugging on. It sucked. The only silver lining was that I felt so lucky that she was part of our lives for the short time she was. Best cat ever.  

With Chimera around the corner, and the fact that I finally bought a new camera, I thought I’d write post to dump out my past two very much needed trail adventures. Wait – yes, I finally bought a new digital camera. And being nostalgic, I opted for the Canon Elph, which is the same make and model of the very first digital camera I ever broke (I smashed it on the rocks while running the Calico Trail run for the first time). Camera phones are nifty and all, but I really missed having a digital camera separate from my phone. They feel better in my hand than a phone.

Anyway, it was this past weekend, Veteran’s Day weekend that I hit the trails twice. First, was Friday, I went for a West Ridge run (with some hiking). I haven’t even downloaded my garmin yet, but I know that it totaled a little over 6 miles, because I’ve probably run that same route a hundred times.

The second trip out to trails, with a little bit of running, and a lot more hiking, was the following Sunday along Santiago Truck Trail. I got a late start, which is perfectly fine now that the weather is so mild. The mileage totaled a little over 7 miles and was much needed for my soul.

Looking forward to returning to the trails with Elph in hand.

Have a great weekend.

Maple Springs in the Autumn

I have always loved Maple Springs Road, especially in the autumn. I think that I even have another blogpost named Maple Springs in the Autumn. Here’s what it looked like last weekend, on November 5:

Love for the Suffer is Gone

What is the matter with me? I just do not like to suffer anymore. I despise it. It used to be that there was some kind of perverse joy in suffering – trekking through the wilderness in 100+ degree weather, covered in gnats, dirty, exhausted, low on fluids – that kind of stuff, it was strangely fun. Re-telling the story of that time I almost died – those were the days! The defeats, the agonizing, those were things that put my life into perspective. They were my “chill pills.” It seems like now that love for the suffer, it’s gone. Suffering makes me angry, makes me feel inadequate. I hate it.

The day after my treadmill quest, I went out for a short, flat run in the evening. And it hurt. I was miserable. I am so out of shape that there was no “easy” in any of those 3 miles. I hated it all. And quite frankly, it made me angry. And so I have to ask, what happened to me? Why can’t I take even the slightest bit of suffering anymore? Is it because of my age? Is the the extra weight? Is it because I’m just too dang tired? Maybe it’s because I’ve lost my patience. I’m immature. My focus is gone.

I arrived home after that run, really just spitting mad -- mad as in angry, and mad as in a little bit insane too. It was my husband who said to me, “This is right up your alley. Take on the challenge.” But it sucks, was all I could manage to seethe in my anger.  

My husband really got me thinking (even though he just pissed me off at first). This getting back into shape really should be up my alley. I’ve always been for a challenge. Countless people have been in good shape, and then had to start it all over again. Why should I boo-hoo all the time about it. And then I remembered one of my students and the lesson demonstrated to me just recently.

I was teaching a semi-complex, multi-step algebra problem. And he just couldn’t get it. I saw the frustration in his body language. He left for frequent cigarette breaks. He threw his hands over his face. He slumped his shoulders in surrender. “I just don’t get it,” he said. I told him, that it was all right if he didn’t get it right now. I told him that he should keep working on it, even if he didn’t “get it.” I told him if he kept working on it, kept thinking about it, that he would eventually get it. He needed to have patience. It would come in time.

Some time went by in class, and the students were working independently now. And then suddenly this student exclaimed, “I get it! I totally get it!” How lucky can a teacher be that a frustrated student “gets it,” within the same class period? I was that lucky.  And this is what he said to me: “I just had to stop being angry and work the steps. Once I did that, I got the answer.”

OMG, I just wanted to hug the guy (but I didn’t because that would just be weird). I mean, how brilliant were his words? Super brilliant! If he could remember that lesson and fall back on it for the rest of his life, he would be set. He was with that math problem where I am with my running. I just need to stop being angry and work the steps! So, let’s see if I have the patience to do that.