A-Okay

I ran trails this morning and was so very tempted to run for endurance and push for extra miles.  But I fought against the urge.  I had told myself that I wasn’t going to train (in any way) until early December.  I was going to rest (while running).  And gosh darn it – I’m going to see this thing through.

Back when I DNF’d Saddleback, I felt pretty low.  Not low necessarily because I decided not to finish the race.  I felt low because of all my downfalls and general mental weakness.  Saddleback just kind of showed them to me all at once – like a wide opened book.  Afterward, I even caught glimpses of thoughts wandering through my mind, thinking that I should quit running.   

Quit running?  Ha!  What then would I do?  (Oh I don’t know . . . perhaps become a better mother, better wife, have a cleaner house, keep groceries stocked, play with our dog, maybe paint the house, finish writing my novels, try and sell my finished novel, read more, finally get a full-time job, clean out my filthy truck, aid the needy, volunteer more at the boys’ schools, be available more to people, in general, and specifically to my family . . . )

This “rest while running” month has really helped me realize that I wouldn’t be half the person I am without my trails.  Sure, I’m not perfect.  I’m not as strong physically as I want to be.  I’m not as strong mentally as I want to be.  Running actually helps me deal with my imperfections, helps me accept them.  I just had a bad day, a bad month perhaps . . . that happens in endurance running.

So today, I didn’t put in those extra miles.  I ran to rest.  I ran up a steep incline (Mentally Sensitive).  And though I suffered going up, at the top, EVERYTHING WAS A-OKAY.  Who cares if I STILL haven’t dropped my extra weight.  I have 3 beautiful sons and a wonderful husband at home.  Who cares if the recession has hit us hard.  Our middle boy hasn’t had a seizure in over 2 years!!!  Who cares if the house needs painting and we can’t afford to paint it right now.  We have a house.  Who cares about all that junk.  I have my trails.  I think I have only God to thank for that because I was the last person in the whole wide world to ever run, much less run mountain trails.  It just happened.  It was a gift given to me.  And I don’t know why. 

Standing before my dirty truck ready to run (& my truck runs and it has tires with good tread AND it seats five!):

Running the flat part of Meadows Trail toward Mentally Sensitive:

Running Mentally Sensitive was SO HARD, BUT OH SO WORTH IT:

An ear warmer serving a dual purpose.  When no longer needed for warmth, it becomes my snot rag (Ewwwww, she wears a snot rag on her vest????):

Finishing up Car Wreck Trail, so lovely and velvety green:

Oak Grove Trail: